SETI Opening credits run over a shot of a PC running SETI@home (Computer Shop – Carl sits at the computer watching the graphics. Enter George). George What are you doing? Carl I’ve been running SETI@home on all these systems. You know, the Search for Extra Terestrial Intelligence? They pick up radio signals from space and analyze them looking for patterns because… George No, I KNOW what SETI@home is, but why are you watching the screen. As if you’re going to discover some pattern yourself. As if ANYONE will ever discover a pattern. Carl It’s pessimists like yourself that keep the world from going around. If it were up to you the sun would still be spinning around US. George No, it’s people like you that keep us out of a job by staring at computers screen instead of fixing them. Just turn that thing off and get to work. It’ll keep running in the background… forever. Carl You wait, George. Someday, we’ll find that pattern. Maybe even on one of these computers and then you’ll feel stupid. But don’t worry. I’ll be there every day to tell you I told you so. George Well, Carl, don’t worry. When you die and no signal has been found, I’ll be at your grave every day to tell you that I told you so. You are never going to find anything. (Some beeps or something indicating that a signal was found) George What’s that? Carl (Looks at screen for a bit, disbelieving). It’s I told you so. They… we… I found something. George What are you talking about? (He looks over Carl’s shoulder) Oh my God, you’re not kidding. Carl No, I’m not. It’s right there. It’s some kind of repeating pulse. See there’s a pause and then it picks up again. I bet it’s primes. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 – 7. 1 2 3 4 5 – 5. 1 2... George …3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 – 12 isn’t prime. Carl So it’s not primes. But it IS a pattern still. George Well, it’s probably a fake signal anyway. Some satellite transmitting baseball results or something. Carl In radio pulses? You can’t believe that. We need to analyze this data. George How? Won’t someone at the VLA or somewhere do that? Carl I suppose you’re right but if WE figure out the code first we’ll be famous. (The CD ejects and Carl picks it up.) Carl leaves. George follows. George OK, but we have to pick up some, uh, wine coolers on the way home. INT – Carl’s place. George and Carl are partying, opening beers, dancing. Fade Out. Fade In. They are both lying in bed with their shirts off and wake up. Carl Oh man. It hurts. Must have been all those wine coolers. George sits up and punches Carl’s arm George I hope your liver fails! Carl sit’s up and punches George’s arm Carl I hope YOUR liver fails! George And why are we in bed together? They both jump out of bed. Carl to his computer and print outs of the numbers, George to a chair. They each put on the other’s shirt from the night before. Carl Well, uh.. the signal came from Arcturas. That’s only 37 light years away. And it’s twice as old as our sun so there could be life there. George I still say it’s a scam. Some sort of a hoax. Carl You won’t give up, will you? Do you realize this signal has produced a block of numbers in the hundreds of thousands? Every beat just .74 seconds from the last. Accept every now again it misses a beat. I think that’s where a new number begins. And every so often there are two missing beats. I think that it’s separating those numbers into blocks. See. (He shows George a print out on a separate sheet of paper. George looks at it and sits down.) George But what does it mean? What’s a bunch of numbers? They’re not primes, right? Could they be coordinates or something? Carl No luck. I’ve been looking at these numbers for hours. You know on those IQ tests where they give a list of seven numbers and ask you what comes next? I’m great at those. But this? This stumps me. Another odd thing, the highest number is twenty-six. Damn those wine coolers! Why can’t I figure this out? (While he says this George notices a book of cryptograms and flips through it. They are all done. In pen.) George What’s this? (Carl comes over and looks). Carl Oh, that’s Jodie’s. She stopped over to pick up her computer and I wasn’t done. She pulled that thing out and did half the book in the hour it took me to finish. To be honest I was stalling hoping something might happen but… (He is cut off as George shows him the similarity between the cryptograms and the numbers from the printout. They exchange a glance and get up and run down the steps.) (Jodie’s place) Jodie So you’re telling me these are from aliens? Carl Maybe. They’re radio transmissions that formed a pattern. I think it’s a message. On the way here I tried translating using one for A and two for B but that’s not working. Jodie Maybe it’s not English. Did you think about that? George She’s right, this is ridiculous. (He makes to pick up the papers.) Jodie No, give me a chance. Maybe they are in English. Carl Yeah. Give her a chance. And Jodie. Don’t fight your feelings. Try to translate these messages and whatever happens, happens. Jodie What are you talking about? Carl You know. If you’re frustrated and need a hug, I’m here. If it gets a bit hot, I can run some ice down your neck, or whatever. Just be honest with yourself and don’t hold back., because you could regret it. George (Pushing Carl away) Get out of here. Can you believe him? Thinking he can come between the two of us? (Jodie glares at him.) Moving over here now (He takes a seat next to Carl far away.) (Montage of writing, erasing…Finally she looks up. Note – Beautiful mind - Carl has a Rubik’s cube and George is doing that string thing that girls do.) Jodie I think I’ve got one. Yes, that’s it. Hold on. You can decode them now. (George grabs a paper and starts translating. So does Jodie.) Carl OK, let’s (He takes the paper from Jodie.) Hey Gropthar. Gropthar? You sure you translated this correctly? Jodie Yes, but some of the words don’t work out, they must not be English words. But the key make perfect sense 90% of the time so it must be correct.. Carl Hey Gropthar, we need your help. (To Jodie and George) It’s a distress call! (reading again) Come quickly to section 847. We need single guys just like you? George (Reading another) Recently we’ve come into a large sum of Nargfullers but can’t get them out of the Neptar system by ourselves. If you send us your routing and account ID’s we can put the Neptars into your account. We ask that you then transfer ninety percent of those to Jodie This one is offering discount Tifflebom made in Vega at the lowest possible price. Carl Look at this one (cutting her off) You MUST respond to this message in ten mintues and pass it on to everyone within twenty light years or you’ll have bad luck for the half life on an Unilatt isotope. If you pass this on to at least ten friendly solar systems you’re wish will come true. George And Pothan the great will give one Nargfuller to everyone that receives this message for each planet the message reaches Jodie Discount Hullapond for your little gurgle. Show her you’re not too old for a little santos by next week. Carl CRAP! We finally get messages from outer space and it’s a bunch of SPAM! George Yeah, but this place will refinance your mortgage at 2.9 APR! Carl Really? (He snatches the paper from George) Oh, but that’s in Arcturan years, see. That’s how they get you.